Calling All Deliberate Creator Parents – Input Needed

I got stumped last night in my parenting. It’s rare that I find myself in a situation where I have absolutely no idea what to do when it comes to parenting. Sure, sometimes I might not do the best thing, but I almost always have some sense of how to handle a situation. Last night I was stumped.

And I’d love to get your input.

After dinner, my 3 ½ year old daughter wanted to go to the fountain at the library and throw some pennies in. So I told her to go find her purse full of change and pick out some pennies.

She brought the purse out to the living room, dumped it out onto the floor and began picking out the pennies. And then she began picking out the nickels and dimes and quarters and saying, “All of them.”

It seems that she likes throwing coins into the fountain so much that she wanted to toss them all into the water.

Now as a deliberate creator and one who is actively working to apply the Law of Attraction to my life, I understand and believe in the unlimited supply that is available.

And, at the same time, I also understand that, in addition to our connection to the infinitely abundant realm of spirit, we also live in this physical world in which there are some limits (albeit self-imposed) to our abundance.

So when Ella wanted to take all of her money and toss it in the fountain I felt myself confronted with questions and doubts and I had no idea what to do. I could tell the my money “stuff” was coming up when I watched her so easily contemplating tossing away hers.

And I most definitely did not want to foist my money stuff onto her. I’m doing everything I can to outgrow my money stuff, the last thing I want is to pass it on to her!

So, as she counted out her coins, I sat there and struggled with how to best handle this situation.

On the one hand, I wanted to encourage her to remain connected to that inner sense of abundance. I wanted her to know and believe that if she threw all of those coins into the fountain that there would be more available.

And, at the same time, I wanted to “teach” her about the “reality” of money in this physical world. I wanted her to know that, at least at our present level of abundance consciousness, there does seem to be a need to build up and store our abundance.

I tried reasoning with her desire. When she began adding quarters to the fountain pile I explained to her that every quarter she added was a Sunday morning farmer’s market honey stick. I even piled up three dollars worth of quarters and explained that she could buy a smoothie or a cone full of mango sorbet with that.

She didn’t seem interested. She wanted to throw them all in the fountain.

Ultimately I avoided a decision-making moment by playing the parental trump card of time: “Oh my gosh Ella, it’s eight o’clock. We don’t have time to throw all of them in. Let’s count out ten pennies, go throw them in, and then come back and get ready for bed.”

“That sounds good, dada!”

So how would you handle that situation? Lets see if we can generate some juicy, leading edge thoughts about this!

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      11 Responses to “Calling All Deliberate Creator Parents – Input Needed”

      1. Aaron M. Potts on July 31st, 2007 1:13 pm

        Ed,

        Wow, this is a tough one. On one hand, as adults we do find it hard to let go of our own money issues, and your example proves that. If there really were an unlimited supply of coins (and there is), then why not let her toss in as many as she wanted? I’m with you, though – I would have cringed as well, especially when she started piling on the quarters!

        However, maybe turning the whole thing into a lesson about sharing abundance would have worked? For example:

        “You’ve got a lot of coins there that represent a lot of abundance! How about we pick out 20 coins that will be ‘special’ coins, and before you throw them into the fountain, you can wish for something really, really nice to happen to someone that you know. That way you’ll be sharing your abundance with them. After 20 coins, if you’ve got more wishes, then we’ll make more ‘special’ coins and use them for wishes until we run out of wish ideas!”

        Now, obviously a child is going to get bored after 20 or 30 coins, so it would both solve the problem, as well as create some more abundance by her using her unlimited (and unfettered) childish way of believing that every wish she made was really going to come true.

        So, that’s just a thought, and for the record, it took me longer than you had in the moment that you described to come up with that idea, so I give you huge props for figuring out a way to buy yourself (no pun intended) some time in order to do some more research on the issue! 🙂

      2. francesco mapelli on July 31st, 2007 2:15 pm

        or, you can say that if each penny was a desire, before throwing the quarter she had to express 25 desires.

        🙂

      3. Edward Mills on July 31st, 2007 7:47 pm

        Aaron: Great idea. Except you don’t know Ella. She could go through a lot more than 20-30 coins before getting bored!

        I guess I’m also struggling with the “magical thinking” issue. I absolutely want her to grow up knowing that she is a magical, abundant, creative being. And, at the same time, I want her to understand that the way she creates magic is through the joyous, inspired actions she takes. (Not difficult for her).

        I see so many people who make a wish, toss their coin in the fountain and then wait for their wish to come true. I want Ella to know that her wishes absolutely will come true when she joyfully co-creates them.

        Francisco: Again, that’s an excellent idea. And I have the same misgivings or hesitation I expressed above.

      4. Adam Kayce : Monk At Work on August 2nd, 2007 12:02 pm

        Ed, you know I love you, man… so I hope I can write this in a way that helps.

        Ella sees nothing but abundance. In her mind, why not throw the coins?

        In your mind, you’re trying to get to that same place. But the fear gets in the way, and so you can think of lots of reasons not to throw the coins (me, too, by the way).

        And, when it comes to attraction, you know better than most of us what effects fear has.

        So really, the issue isn’t “how to get something across to Ella,” it’s “how not to get something across to Ella.” Namely, the fear.

        So, big picture: What is Ella choosing? Joy. Not joy through a mango sorbet, or a smoothie, or a bazillion honey sticks. But joy through coins, a fountain, wishing, and throwing.

        And when it comes down to it, wouldn’t you wish her joy, above all else? So if that’s what she’s focused on, she’s only going to create more of it.

        I know it’s hard. I’ve got two girls myself, and I’m never this smoothly objective with my own. But that’s my $.02 (and feel free to throw them in the fountain, if you like).

      5. Edward Mills on August 2nd, 2007 1:27 pm

        Adam. Thanks for that!

        “So really, the issue isn’t “how to get something across to Ella,” it’s “how not to get something across to Ella.” Namely, the fear.

        So, big picture: What is Ella choosing? Joy. Not joy through a mango sorbet, or a smoothie, or a bazillion honey sticks. But joy through coins, a fountain, wishing, and throwing.”

        You’re right on.

        There will be plenty of time for Ella to figure out how this physical reality works. Now is the time to let her bask in her connection with the abundance of her infinite nature.

        I get that the lesson here is more for me. Can I meet and match her in that space of abundance? Can I go with her and toss those coins joyfully into the fountain?

        I’m not sure. But it’s worth a try! (I can hear you quoting Yoda as you’re reading this!)

        Thanks again, and you know that I love you too. And we’ve never even met!

      6. Char on August 2nd, 2007 2:29 pm

        Ed,
        I liked your final method of dealing with the situation and think that had you started with that you would have been just fine.

        By giving her some direction and asking her to pick out 10 pennies to throw in, you are also opening up an opportunity for learning – counting to 10 and identifying pennies.

        Just my input…

      7. Edward Mills on August 2nd, 2007 9:43 pm

        Char: There were most definitely many learning opportunities in there for both of us!

      8. Rick Cockrum on August 7th, 2007 3:20 pm

        I loved Adam’s take on things. Kids that age just don’t have a strong concept of delayed gratification. Kids our age have learned it too well.

        Looked at from another viewpoint, maybe it was your lesson time in learning abundance. She may have changed her mind at the fountain about how many coins to throw in. She may not. This isn’t a decision that affects her health or safety.

        Then come market time, you may spring for the treat at the farmer’s market. Her acceptance of abundance isn’t impinged on at all. Or, you could let her face the results using all her coins until more came in by just asking her if she has the money for a treat.

      9. Edward Mills on August 7th, 2007 9:28 pm

        Rick. I’m pretty sure that the lesson here was for me! Thanks for pointing out that the decision was not going to affect her health or safety. Sometimes it is helpful to remember that seemingly obvious point.

      10. Patricia on August 18th, 2007 9:44 pm

        Ed- Great post. I’ve dealt with this with my own children many times. I know first hand that reasoning with our children about the future can be futile, because they so often only see the here and now. Sometimes I wish we could all remember to do more of that 🙂 Maybe we would realize anything is possible if we believe it. Anyway, here is our little coin-tossing story.

        We had an indoor mall that was all but deserted except for two water fountains flowing every day, a food court, and a few little speciality shops. Many moms could be seen with their little ones walking throughout the day, and my children loved to go “play” there, just looking at their reflection in store windows and watching the tall ceilings reflect the sun.

        The highlight, of course, was the water fountain. They loved throwing coins (and still do) just for the sake of throwing them. A quarter or a penny made no difference, it was the art of throwing that made the thrill. Immediate gratification was the focus for my preschoolers, but I loved watching their smiles.

        After the first trip, where I emptied out my purse of coins, I learned a great way to handle it for our family. Whenever we had loose change, we threw it into a tall clear cup. This helped keep coins from falling into the hands of the littlest one, and the children could see the money grow. Later, when we wanted to go to the mall, I took a sandwich baggie and “filled” it with coins for each of them (really just 10 or 12 each). They helped separate the colors, and choose the “darker” ones first if possible- a great way to get pennies only. They also helped count them out before we went (a great injection of math which the teacher in me could not help but include), and then got excited about the trip.

        When we arrived, I took them to the best fountain, and they quickly learned a lesson about giving. One of the fountains was listed as a donation spot, so every penny not only fulfilled a wish for the giver, it also was later collected and donated to a worthwhile charity.

        I told the children that every penny they threw not only gave them pleasure, but gave another child pleasure too. I also told them we only threw so much at a time because we want to keep having fun and coming back, and if we emptied the cup there would be nothing left to throw. They loved both filling the cup, and the adventure of giving it away.

        Now, the mall has been demolished, but our other local mall has a fountain dedicated to another charity, and every trip includes a brief visit to throw a few coins for others while having fun too.

        Just our story….

        Patricia

      11. juliet on November 1st, 2007 7:51 am

        great story.I would let her throw the coins but then when she wanted her treats you should explain that she threw them in the fountain…more will surely come but for now..well there isnt any that way she will learn choices and the universe will sort itself out (it alwaysdoes)

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