Get OUT of My Space!

Get OUT of My Space!

No, not you!

But, hopefully that got your attention.


Have you ever said that to someone? Have you ever wanted to say that to someone?

Most of us have probably felt that way once or twice in our lives… or maybe once or twice in the last hour!

We all have different personal space requirements. Some of us need a lot of alone time and like to maintain our physical and emotional distance. Others prefer being in social situations and being close to other people.

Our personal space requirements are also influenced by our cultural background. Different cultures have different personal space requirements.

Here’s what the website Edupass tells foreign students about our personal space requirements here in the U.S.

When two people are talking to each other, they tend to stand a specific distance apart. Each person has an invisible boundary around their body into which other people may not come. [Italics mine.] If someone pierces this boundary, they will feel uncomfortable and move away to increase the distance between them. (The major exception is family members and other loved ones.) This personal distance is not due to body odor or bad breath, but because closeness lends a sense of intimacy that is at odds with their relationship to the other individual.

Interestingly, the average personal distance varies from culture to culture. Americans tend to require more personal space than in other cultures. So if you try to get too close to an American during your conversation, he or she will feel that you are “in their face” and will try to back away. Try to be aware of this, so if the person to whom you are speaking backs away a little, don’t try to close the gap.

Also, try to avoid physical contact while you are speaking, since this may also lead to discomfort. Touching is a bit too intimate for casual acquaintances. So don’t put your arm around their shoulder, touch their face, or hold their hand. Shaking hands when you initially meet or part is acceptable, but this is only momentary.

Apparently we are getting a reputation for being a bit stand-offish here in the U.S.

So what is that “invisible boundary” they mention?

Well there is much more to your “space” than meets the eye. Your personal space is more than your body, more than your room or your office or your home. Your personal space includes your personal energy space as well, and it’s very possible for someone to be in your energy space even when they’re not around.

Have you ever felt that someone is “in your space” even when they are not anywhere near you?

I know there have been times when I have felt my parents in my space even though they are 2000 miles away!

I also know that I maintain a connection with my daughter even when she’s not around.

The connection itself is not a bad thing. In fact it can sometimes be a very good thing. There are times when having a non-physical connection with others is important and beneficial.

At other times, especially when the connection is made without awareness, it can feel stifling, controlling, overwhelming, or even suffocating.

And it’s at those times – when you feel controlled or suffocated – that it would be good to have some tools and techniques for disconnecting from others.

Now depending on how sensitive you are, having someone “in” your personal energy space can feel just as intense as having someone literally standing “in your face.”

There have been times in my life when those energetic connections have felt more intense!

Fortunately, I’ve learned some techniques to limit the intensity of those connections and create healthy energetic boundaries.

One of the most powerful tools I’ve learned is called Neutral Separations. It’s a deceptively simple technique that instantly reduces the impact of any dysfunctional energetic connections you have with other people.

If you’re interested in learning how to use this technique in your life, go get your free Energetics of Attraction Package, worth over $100.

You’ll not only discover how to use Neutral Separations, you’ll also learn a simple tool for grounding your intentions into the physical world, as well as a technique to help you instantly shift your perspective.

And if you have any questions, leave a comment below.


Photo credit: Stock Exchange / Simonok

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    4 Responses to “Get OUT of My Space!”

    1. The Law of Attraction (Dude) on April 16th, 2008 2:15 pm

      Good point. The connection between us all is very real…once we wake up to it! 🙂 BTW: I was on a plane from Spain to the US last year and read a similar “personal space” handout. Hilarious.

      “No hugs please–we’re Americans!” haha

    2. Akemi - Yes to Me on April 16th, 2008 5:30 pm

      First, about physical personal space: I guess the writer of the quote is comparing Americans to Europeans? I am Japanese and am pretty sure the space requirement is even larger in Asia. I also know some Europeans and they tend to come closer and they want to express their feeling by physical proximity.

      Energetic space: Very good point. I recently learned we are supposed to have six spheres of protection around us, but for most of us, the spheres are worn off and we need to ask for their restoration. I did this, and am seeing how it makes a difference.

      I enjoyed your teleclass. Thank you.

    3. Craig Harper on April 18th, 2008 4:22 am

      For me, the appropriate distance (with people I’m not particularly familiar with) is a straight arm length.

      Obviously the more familiar and comfortable I am with someone, the closer they can stand but for the bloke with the attrocious breath who tried to sell me some new protein bars for the gym the other day, the straight arm rule (S.A.R.) had to apply.

      I stepped back, he followed.

      I stepped again, he followed again.

      We were just about to start the dance when I enforced the S.A.R.

      I physically held him in place.

      “I’m sure you’re nice, but I don’t want to be that close to you.”

      “Tell me about your protein bars from there.”

      He complied.

      Most of us instinctively know how close we should stand to someone.

      Nobody had to teach us.

      We just know.

    4. Edward Mills on April 18th, 2008 9:58 am

      @LoA Dude: How about a group hug?

      @Akemi: I read that the Japanese and US personal space is about the same. Most people from Latin cultures – spain, Italy, Central and South America – tend to have small personal space requirements. And when it comes to energetic protection, most of us could use a little sprucing up!

      Glad you enjoyed the call. I hope you can make the next one on April 23rd.

      @Craig. Great story! I can totally picture you stiff-arming the guy to keep him out of your space. In that situation, it might have been more effective to hand him a breath mint! 😉

      When it comes to learning about personal space I’m not sure that it is instinctive. If it was a universal human trait, all cultures would tend to have similar personal space requirements. I think it’s something we pick up by example – without being explicitly taught – through our connections with the people around us.

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