Does Love Complete You or Awaken You to Your Own Completeness?

I’m learning to play John Mayer’s song, Fathers, and in the first line he sings:

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world.

I love that. But I also question it.

Can a girl really put the color inside of my world?

Can the love of a girl put the color inside my world?

I mean, shouldn’t we put the color into our own world? And really, isn’t the color there already? Maybe it’s just waiting to be seen… or to be shown.

It also got me thinking about the movie Jerry Maguire and that whole “You complete me” theme they had going.

Same questions:

Can someone complete me?

Can love complete me?

Aren’t I already complete? Maybe I just need to remember that completeness?

I’ve got some more thoughts on this, but I’d love to hear what you think. I’ve really enjoyed your comments and insights on my Ring of Fire “coincidence” and want to open some space for you to share your thoughts here as well.

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    8 Responses to “Does Love Complete You or Awaken You to Your Own Completeness?”

    1. chehaw on May 13th, 2008 6:04 pm

      Wow, this is a very tricky question to handle. I’ve had this talk with someone, and completeness to me denotes I’m done, and there’s no more for me to learn or to grow on. Quite the contrary–even if I am in love with someone, I am constantly evolving into a self that is higher and better for me and my partner. The journey, the adventure, should never end. You should always be in the process of learning, even in love.

    2. Stigander on May 14th, 2008 8:24 am

      Well, my husband does complete me. I know I’m supposed to be strong and independent (I’m a former Marine) but without him I am lost. So while ‘complete’ does sound like ‘done’, it’s a pretty good descriptor.

      I do know this: He is the thermostat to my thermometer. (I learned this from an old Archie comic book). When things ‘heat up’, I react accordingly – rising stress, temper etc. He then acts as a thermostat to help me stay in a ‘comfort zone’ that allows rational thought. When things ‘cool down’, I react by ‘freezing him out’ and he again acts as my thermostat – warming me up into that ‘livable’ zone.

      So yes, he completes me. Because without him, I exhaust even myself. I suppose that is one of the burdens of being a person who feels things so much more than others. But I am blessed to have found someone who can help me be a better me.

    3. Jenny Mannion on May 14th, 2008 9:16 am

      Hi Ed, I agree with Chehaw…. you need to constantly grow and evolve as a person and I for one I hope I am never “complete”. That being said a good strong relationship with a partner is an amazing experience. If you can communicate well and even if you don’t always grow in the same direction at least understand the needs and growth of the other person — that is a beautiful thing indeed. I believe love is needed to feel whole but the most important love is self love. You need that before you can truly offer someone love without a lot of “neediness” involved. The Mayer quote/song I do love and I can’t wait to hear your version of it on edwardmills.com! Yes, being in love does add “color” and “depth” at times but it also adds challenges. I feel I am meant to be with my spouse because we share a lot of aspirations and beliefs, have a wonderful time together, respect each other and have grown through the “hard times” and always tried to understand rather than demean the other person. I think also because we realize we are separate and while we love each other deeply and our children and life we share we both have maintained our individuality. I think those words of “completing” each other sound romantic (Yes, I cried in that scene in Jerry McGuire) but upon closer examination have a certain neediness about them that a true honest love should not have in order to be healthy. You asked for thoughts not a book — but there it is! 😉 Gratefully, Jenny

    4. 0FfeS on May 15th, 2008 1:12 am

      Hi everyone! All I know is that I’m not enough for my self, meaning that I am not able of being happy in my own, I need others with whom share life.
      So, for me, a true girlfriend is the perfect partner for life, it’s a confidant who brings out the best of me and also satisfies needs. It makes me feel complete in the sense that I don’t need anything more for being able to be happy, but this doesn’t mean that then I can stay couch surfing all day, it means that in that case I can start to fully enjoy life (and for that I need to live it).

    5. Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker on May 15th, 2008 10:44 am

      My husband doesn’t complete me. We are two individuals interconnected through God. We do compliment each other. By that I mean that we each add to the other. We go together, fit together very well. We are each better for having the other in our lives. We help each other to grow. As we change and grow so does our relationship. We are a couple but more important we are each our own individual selves.

    6. Tania on May 18th, 2008 8:32 am

      I agree with Patricia. We shouldn’t look to another person to “complete” us. What happens if that person isn’t around for one reason or another? Are we less than complete without them? I thnk that is co-dependency. And relationship issues are sure to arise. We place expectations on the other individual and with expectations, disappointments or resentment are sure to follow at some point. I feel that a relationship involves 3 – each individual and also the union of the two which creates a 3rd which needs to be nurished and allowed to grow.

    7. Bryan on May 26th, 2008 5:01 pm

      I do think love will complete me. My wife and daughter is the last puzzle to my complete life, without them, my life won’t be the same and I don’t think it is complete. 🙂

    8. Adult Ãœhler on May 28th, 2008 7:07 am

      This question is just too tough. I’m torn between the two choices.

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