Law Of Attraction Carnival #18 – Relationships And The Law of Attraction

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Welcome to the 18th edition of the Law of Attraction Carnival: The longest running Blog Carnival devoted to the Law of Attraction.

The topic of this edition is relationships and the Law of Attraction!

Ah, relationships! Can’t live with them. Can’t spend your entire life in a cave!Relationships can be the glue that holds our work with the Law of Attraction together. And they can also be the centrifuge that spins us out of our center and knocks us off track.

But either way, relationships are one of the most potent vehicles for exploring and enhancing our work as Deliberate Creators.

The connections we have with other people provide seemingly infinite opportunities to become aware of and transform many of our limiting beliefs. If you have any doubt about the power of relationships to awaken us to our limiting beliefs, you need only think back to the last time a seemingly innocuous comment by your partner sent you spinning down into old thoughts, feelings, and vibrational offerings. For me, it was just a few days ago!

So let’s see what our carnival contributors have to say about this rich topic.

Featured Entries:

Once again, Aaron Potts of Today is That Day anchors the Featured Entries section with an excellent post pondering the question Can You Save Your Relationship With The Law Of Attraction? And while I quibble just a bit with Aaron’s use of the phrase “save your relationship,” (more on that later) the entry offers many wonderful insights into the Law of Attraction and relationships.

Raymond David Salas, of Zenchill, another regular contributor to this carnival has some very specific steps you can take in this entry on How To Get Along With Your Family. One of the points that really stuck out for me is that “you don’t need your family to agree with you.” What do you mean, Raymond!?!

And we’ve got a first time contributor to the LoA Carnival, Chris Campa of The Ordinary Mystic who reminds us that in Improving Relationships The Law of Attraction is Only the First Step.

Have you ever wondered about What Kind of Friends Have You Attracted? Well Grant Pierrus of the Million Dollar Project explores the why, who, and how of the attraction process that occurs in our friendships.

Karen Lynch of Live The Power has a wonderful personal story about how the Law of Attraction worked for her long before she even knew about it. Her entry, A Love Story And The Law Of Attraction

And finally, another first time LoA carnival contributor, Mark Brown of The Naked Soul explores how Feeling Unworthy can lead to the attraction of relationships that reflect that feeling of unworthiness.

The Best Of The Rest:

Jenn Givler presents How do you know if you’re open to receiving? posted at Thriving Holistic Business, saying, “Are you open to receiving? That’s an essential part of the equation. This article explains how to know if you’re open, and ways that you can become more open.”

Alan presents Just blew the chance of a Lifetime? – Dont worry, be happy 🙂 posted at Made to Be Great.

Uni presents How do we know we can really attract what we want? posted at You Deserve More.

Wanda Grindstaff presents Prosperity and Abundance is Your Birthright – Living with Intent posted at Creating Abundant Lifestyles, saying, “Do not buy into the myth that wealth is not for everyone”

Christine Springer presents A Primer on the Law of Attraction posted at Christine Springer.

Robert Hunt presents The Secret Behind “The Secret” – A Review posted at MySelfDevelopment.net.

Jennifer McLean presents Big Book of You Blog: Look, Love, Appreciate, Release – Healing Through the Law of Attraction posted at Big Book of You Blog, saying, “Who are you with right now? Take a look at that person as if they were a mirror of aspects of you.”

Gwen presents My Turning Point posted at The Effects of LOA On My Life, saying, “Chronicling progress utilizing LOA and sharing information with others.”

Dean Lacono presents Attracting an enjoyable work day. posted at Law of Attraction for Beginners, saying, “This article describes how I use LoA in attracting the customer relationships and activities I want to experience at work.”

Andy Schmitt presents Negative Resistance to Positive Vibration, In Five Easy Steps posted at The Secret Law of Attraction, saying, “Since starting The Law of Attraction Experiment I have been on somewhat of an emotional roller coaster.”

Moses E. Miles III presents A Christian View of The Law of Attraction posted at Three Sticks.

That concludes this edition.

I’m very pleased to announce that Karen Lynch of Live The Power will be hosting the next Law of Attraction Carnival on May 22nd. The topic for that edition will be The Law of Attraction and Money!

If you would like to submit an entry, please read the submission guidelines on the Law of Attraction Homepage and then use our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

You can also read all of the archived editions of the Carnival at the Law of Attraction Homepage.

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From Concept To Practice: The Law of Attraction In Relationships

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If you haven’t already figured it out, relationships provide some of the most profound opportunities for applying the Law of Attraction. And while all relationships are good for this, intimate relationships are the best!

On Saturday, my wife and I had an opportunity to experience this and take the Law of Attraction far beyond the conceptual stage and put it into practice.

Two hours into our lunchtime date, we found ourselves sitting on the front porch of my office in silence, each of us stewing in the stirred up murkiness of old emotional traumas that clouded our perceptions of the present moment. In our short time together we had each been through at least two cycles of getting triggered and slowly finding our way back to center from that triggered space.

Have you ever had a date – or a day – like that when all of your “stuff” seems to be right on the surface and as much as you want to stay positive and loving, you find yourselves spiraling down, resisting your connection with your partner (and ultimately with your own Source-connected self) putting up defenses and denying the love?

It’s not fun!

But it does provide an unsurpassed opportunity for stepping more fully into the world of deliberate creation.

So there we were, sitting in silence, staring across the street, waiting for something to shift.

In our relationship, when we are both in our “stuff,” we’re pretty good at taking turns coming out of it and creating a space for shift. In this case it was Melissa who shifted herself enough to begin creating the space for a shift in me and in our connection.

She started to speak. “You know I just heard something in a class I took this morning from this great Law of Attraction teacher.” (Earlier that morning Melissa had attended my regular, first-Saturday-of-the-month drop in Law of Attraction group). “This teacher said that in every moment we have three choices.”

I knew exactly where she was going and, even though I was still not looking at her, I could sense her somewhat mischievous grin as she went on.

“He said that, as Deliberate Creators, in each moment we can choose to feel worse and move further down the emotional/vibrational scale. We can choose to stay exactly where we are, maintain the status quo and, in essence, stagnate.”

That one hurt, since that was exactly what I was doing. I wasn’t moving up or down the emotional/vibrational scale. I was stuck. So I listened as Melissa continued.

“Or, this teacher said, we can choose to feel better, to move up the emotional scale, even if it’s just a little bit.”

So here I was being confronted with the very words I had used to describe the powerful process of Deliberate Creation just a few hours earlier.

Unbidden, the sarcastic saying I used to hear in high school came floating into my mind:

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach gym.

Was it time for me to hang up my “Law of Attraction Trainer” credentials and find a job teaching gym?

Being a teacher is easy. It does not take much skill or even that much knowledge to stand in front of a room and provide them with some information.

It is far more difficult to be a great teacher. For the best teachings do much more than provide information. The greatest teachers inspire people to live into a bigger version of their lives.

To be such a teacher requires you to live your life in alignment with the words that you are speaking. The best teachers always “walk their talk.” They teach from their lives knowing that they may stumble and even fall along the way.

This type of teaching is not always easy. (Believe me!) And yet my intention is to be a great teacher of the Law of Attraction. So the way that I choose to teach this work is to live it and to accept that the times when I stumble and fall are opportunities to translate my understanding of the concepts into practice. I choose to have my life be an uncompromising example of the Law of Attraction in Action.

Do I always get it “right?” Of course not. Which is good. Because there is no “right.” Every experience is an opportunity to understand the Law of Attraction more deeply.

So on Saturday morning, having my stuckness and stagnation pointed out to me was a good thing – even though it didn’t feel too great in that moment. I got to observe it, feel it, and experience it. I was provided with the opportunity to know that I was choosing to be stuck. I was creating that experience. No one else was creating that experience of stuckness for me. Melissa wasn’t doing it. My parents weren’t doing it. None of my past girlfriends were doing it. I was doing it all myself!

And, in that moment, I got to choose whether or not I wanted to remain in that stuck, stagnant place.

I turned to Melissa, and even though, in my mind, I was still not convinced which way I was going to go, that turn towards her was movement. Choosing to look at her was a small, but significant movement up the scale.

And when I saw the look on her face, a look of childlike playfulness that said, “come on, get over it so that we can go play and have fun,” I felt myself opening. I felt myself moving further up the emotional/vibrational scale and allowing my connection with Melissa and my connection with Source to blossom once more. And I found myself awakening, once again to the possibility of playing and having fun on the rest of our date!

And so we did!

Submit Your Law Of Attraction And Relationships Carnival Entries

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The next Law of Attraction Carnival will be out next Tuesday. If you have not already done so, get your best Law of Attraction entries in by Monday.

The topic of this edition is The Law of Attraction and Relationships. Submit an entry that explores how the Law of Attraction influences and enhances our personal relationships.

The complete carnival submission guidelines as well as the carnival archives can be found on the Law of Attraction Homepage. And when you’re ready to submit use the submission form at Blog Carnival.

No Law Of Attraction Live Show This Monday

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On Monday, my wife and I are spending the entire day with Marshall Rosenberg at his Intimate Relationships on Fire seminar.

What a thrill it will be to spend a day learning how to put the concepts of non-violent communication into practice in one of the most difficult areas to remain unattached and clear.

You can be sure that I’ll have much to share with you after this event!

And while I am very excited about this workshop, it means that there will not be a Law of Attraction Live broadcast on this Monday. I’ll be jumping back in, next week, April 9th, with a show all about Asking. What does it mean to Ask from a Law of Attraction perspective? Find out on Law of Attraction Live, April 9th.

In the meantime, you can listen to the archived recordings at the Evolving Times hostpage at BlogTalkRadio.

With Bloggers It’s Virtually Personal

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If you read my entry to the Why I Blog meme that blazed through the blogoshpere last month, you know that one of my top five reasons for blogging is connecting with other like-minded, leading-edge thinkers.

I have to laugh at myself just a bit when I realize that the vision of connecting I’ve been holding has been purely “virtual.” The thought of meeting other bloggers and/or readers in person was not part of that vision of connection.

But recently I have taken those blinders off and realized the potential for less virtual connections. I’m beginning to see Evolving Times, and the blogosphere itself, as a powerful catalyst for more personal interactions.

What caused this change?

Could it be the increasing interaction and extended conversations happening here on Evolving Times? (For examples of some of the great interaction see: this post, and this one, and this one, and maybe this one too).

Maybe it was the live blow-by-blow coverage of the sxsw festival, as bloggers from all over the world converged and mixed and mingled with musicians and filmmakers and other thought leaders.

Perhaps it was reading the blog posts about the amazing TED2007.

It might have been my connection last week with a great group of bloggers via bridge line to explore the possibility of launching a mastermind group.

Every one of those things played a part in this shift of perception.

But the icing on the cake came earlier this week when Wendy Piersall announced that she was heading to the Elite Retreat this weekend in SF. And within 30-minutes of her post, we had arranged to meet on Sunday.

I just officially “met” Wendy a couple of months ago. And since that time we have connected through our blogs on a regular basis. On the surface, though, that connection would not appear to be enough to justify a trip into San Francisco.

When I asked myself why I’m rounding up my wife and daughter for an “adventure” into SF, I realized that, even though I have only known Wendy for a short time, her blog has created a high level of trust, respect and appreciation. It feels like I’ve known her for at least a year, which is just about how long she’s been publishing her blog. Interesting!

As a blogger myself for over a year, I know how much time and effort goes into what she has created at emoms. And as an e-dad (not working at home most of the time) I truly appreciate the information and inspiration she provides.

Bottom line: I’m really looking forward to meeting Wendy, and any other awesome blogging types that happen to be there.

And I’m curious to know if you’ve had the experience of “meeting” a blogger virtually or otherwise, and felt a similar sense of connection – a connection that felt stronger and longer than the actual length of your connection alone would seem to justify.

Leave a comment below and let me know.

Does God Feel Sad When She Sees Us Struggling?

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Last week, when I dropped Ella off at pre-school, there was a letter in her cubby from the Adapted Physical Education Teacher. She had done an assessment of Ella’s gross motor skills to track the progress she is making with her delayed left side. The assessment listed her progress in specific skill areas and gave an overall “ranking.”

At 39-months Ella’s gross motor skills are at a 21-month level. While I am well aware of Ella’s physical delay and have read various assessments in the past, there was something about this one that caused a deep sadness to well up from within me.

For some reason, I was particularly struck by the description of Ella’s jumping skills. The contrast between my perception of Ella’s attempts to jump – adorable, focused, vibrant – and the clinical terms used in the assessment – “Ella is unable to jump off the ground at this time, but she is showing emergence of this skill.” – struck me right in the heart and the tears began to flow.

I have witnessed this deep sadness in other parents and I know that I have at times been the source of this sadness for my own parents. This sadness, however, is not limited to parents of children with disabilities. It is the deep sadness that comes from watching your child – or anyone you love – struggle. It is a sadness and sense of helplessness that comes from the desire to make everything all right for your child when there is nothing that you can do.

As I drove towards my office, heart broken open, I began to wonder how God/Source/The Universe feels when she/he/it sees us struggling and living far below our potential.

It has been postulated that most of us are accessing and utilizing a mere 5-10% of our potential. If God were to have an assessment done on any of us we would certainly fall well below the “baseline” level of our potential.

Does God cry when seeing this?

My guess is no. God doesn’t strike me as one who gets caught in the trap of attachment. I believe that God sees through our struggles and into our essence. God sees our light, our full potential, shining brightly even when we don’t see it ourselves. God knows that our struggles provide the most potent opportunities to explore our self-created limitations and expand our expression of who we are.

God doesn’t get caught up in wondering what he can do to make it better. He knows that everything is perfect. Including each and every one of us!

God doesn’t wonder if she made a mistake when she created these beings (us) with limitless potential only to see them floundering to access even a tiny fraction of their power. She knows that it is through our struggles that we will, eventually, access our limitless potential.

There are times, quite often, actually, when I hold that Divine perception of Ella and see the incredible light that shines from her eyes: When I watch the intensity that she brings to her playing and learning. When I see her struggling to do things that her peers do easily. When I feel the uninhibited tenderness as she sits with me in the rocking chair and lays her head on my chest. When she gets frustrated and says, “Need help Dada,” and I encourage her to try it again. I even can hold the Divine perception of her (usually) in those moments when she connects fully with her frustration and sadness and expresses it freely.

In those moments, when I see her light, her full potential, I don’t get caught up in thinking that she is less than perfect, less than whole. I don’t look at her as a number on a scale or compare her with anyone else. I don’t wonder if I did anything “wrong” or if I somehow contributed to her disability.

But when I read that assessment, I could not stop myself from going to that place of wondering, of attachment, of deep sadness that Ella is not accessing her full potential. I got caught up in the clinical rankings and began comparing Ella and basing my perception of her on that comparison.

This experience reminded me just how tenuous our hold is on Divine perception. Our ability to see the full potential within everyone is easily shaken by our perception of the “real” physical world.

As we make our way up the vibrational scale of the Law of Attraction and move forward on our path of personal evolution, the consistency with which we hold others in the place of Divine perception can provide a valuable feedback mechanism.

Begin to pay attention to the place from which you are perceiving those around you. Are you focusing on their light or their darkness? Are you seeing their perfection or their problems? Are you appreciating their presence in your life or blaming them for what is wrong with your life?

The choice of how you perceive those around you is not always easy but it is always yours to make.

Remember that what you focus on expands in your life. If you focus on the darkness in those around you, you attract more darkness into your life. If you focus on people’s problems, you attract more problems into your own life.

If you want more joy in your life, focus on the joy you see in others. If you want more peace, focus on the peace you see in others.

I know that Ella is getting the best possible care for her condition and I recognize that she will continue to be assessed and evaluated. And while I don’t agree with the underlying concept of assessment, I accept that it is part of the system within which Ella will receive her care.

What I do know is that I will continue to hold as fully as possible onto my Divine perception of Ella. I will continue to see her perfection, her light and the joy she brings to this world. And I will hold onto the knowledge that her physical struggle is providing a powerful opportunity for her to expand her perception and expression of who she truly is.

Great Last Minute Tips For A Great Valentine’s Day

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If you’re still stumped trying to figure out how to create a perfect Valentine’s Day for you and your partner, Dan & Jennifer have posted a list of 14 Creative Valentine’s Day Ideas at their blog.

And if you’re partnerless this Valentine’s Day they also have an entry on How To Survive Being Single On Valentine’s Day.

Ask The Right Personal Development Questions

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At least twice in the last few weeks I’ve caught myself asking the wrong personal development questions. One evening, after Ella had gone to sleep, Melissa and I were taking advantage of the rare quiet time to talk and connect. Throughout our time together, I noticed my thoughts drifting away from our connection and onto my full plate of work-related tasks.

Since awareness is the first step to change, even though I was frustrated by my inability to stay present with Melissa, I was actually quite pleased that I noticed my shifting attention.

But then, fueled by my frustration, I asked the wrong question.

In this case, I asked myself, “Why can I never be fully present with Melissa?”

From your neutral observation point, you probably recognize the problem with that question immediately. But, being on the inside of this situation, it took me a while to get that I was asking the wrong question.

Why was it wrong? Well, first, the question itself is not true. I can be fully present with Melissa, and I am fully present with her quite often. So the question was reinforcing and strengthening an inaccurate and non-supportive belief.

Second, the answer to the question was not what I truly wanted to know. What I really wanted to know was, “How can I be fully present with Melissa more often?” Or, “What would help me stay more fully present with Melissa, even when my work-plate is overflowing?”

The answers to those two questions give me valuable information that I can apply to create positive change in my life, while the question “Why can I never be fully present with Melissa?” does not.

I hear some of you saying, “Don’t I need to understand why before I can change my behavior?”

And I’ll say to you, “No, you don’t!”

Now realize that this answer comes from someone who has spent a big chunk of his life in hot pursuit of the whys. And, after following many long and winding roads seeking those answers, I can say pretty confidently that why does not lead to how.

Yes, understanding is important. But here’s what I’ve discovered recently:

Understanding – the why – comes naturally when you seek the how.

Why is a slippery slope. I have personally discovered that no matter how deeply you go into the “why” you can always go deeper. The path of “why” can be quite interesting, but ultimately it is a distraction from, not a contribution to, positive change.

Set your intention to change, ask questions whose answers lead to that intention, and you will naturally discover exactly the amount of “why” needed to create the change you seek.

So, in framing your personal development questions, there are two important points to consider.

First, is this question true?

Anytime you notice a word such as “always” or “never” in your question, it is most likely a false question. If you wonder why you “never have quite enough money to pay rent on time” ask yourself if that’s really true. If you wonder why you “always get into relationships with unavailable partners” ask yourself it that’s really true.

And even if, from your perspective on the inside of the situation, the question you are asking seems true, change it anyway. Because by asking a question such as “why do I never have enough money to pay rent?” you are reinforcing that belief.

Remember, what you focus on expands! Do you want to focus on why you “don’t have enough money” or “always work for nasty bosses?” Is that what you want to expand in your life? By focusing on the why, you get more of the experience.

The second point to remember is: will the question you are asking lead to the answers that you are really seeking?

Make sure that the answers you receive will contribute to the change you want to see in your life.

The answer to the question “Why do I never have enough money?” is not going to directly help you get more money.

Some alternative questions you might consider would be:

  • “What can I do to start making more money?”
  • “What steps can I take to start managing my money more effectively?”
  • “How can I begin to change this pattern?”
  • “What do I need to understand in order to change this pattern?” (Notice that this question leads to the exact information you need in order to change, without taking down that slippery “why” slope).

I think you get the idea.

The questions you ask are crucial because they determine the answers you will receive.

Some of you may have made the connection between the new and improved question I asked relative to my level of presence with Melissa – “What would help me stay more fully present with Melissa, even when my work-plate is overflowing?” – and the book that sailed into my life last week, The One Who Is Not Busy. If you didn’t make the connection, go read Improve The Quality Of Your Life By Mastering Your Focus.

Ask and It Is Given.

I have no doubt that when you ask a question the answer is given, every time. And that is why it is so important that you ask the right question.

Improve The Quality Of Your Life By Mastering Your Attention

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The book, The One Who Is Not Busy by Darlene Cohen arrived late yesterday. I only had time to read the introduction and do a quick skim through the rest of the book. (A bit of irony there). But already I have put into practice Skill 1: The ability to narrow or widen the mind’s focus at will.

Last night, after watching a movie with my wife, it was later than normal for me to be up – 11:30 – but I did not feel tired and noticed my creative mind teasing me with ideas for the upcoming Enlightened Entrepreneurs Intensive.

I wanted to jump right up from the couch, grab my notebook and pen and jot down the ideas that were bubbling up. Melissa wanted to “connect” for a few minutes before going to bed.

I was torn but I chose to stay with Melissa for a few moments and have that connection time. Having just skimmed through The One Who Is Not Busy, the concept of narrowing and widening the mind’s focus at will was in my awareness. And as I sat and snuggled with Melissa I was able to watch the focus of my mind narrow and widen. I was also able to bring some consciousness to the process.

The experience was quite tangible for me. I could feel and “see” my mind’s focus opening up to include the table, the physical location, where I would sit to take notes, as well as widening to include the ideas that were coming up.

In this widened state of focus my presence was clearly split. I was not fully present in either (any) space and felt uncomfortable. In that state, I could feel myself pulling away from Melissa, wanting to be over there at the table.

With intention, I was able to narrow my focus and bring my full attention back to my connection with Melissa. Each time I did this I could “see” a lens closing and blocking out both the physical and mental elements beyond of my chosen area of focus. It literally felt as if I was putting blinders on my inner and outer vision.

The One Who Is Not Busy
is a short book – just over 100 pages – and you can be sure that over this weekend, I’ll be reading it and beginning to integrate more of the skills and exercises from this book into my life.

Here’s one brief paragraph from the introduction that I found particularly insightful:

I have come to believe that one of life’s most essential skills is the ability to focus one’s attention at will. This single ability is the foundation of all mastery and contentment. We can’t talk about developing talent or mining resources until this skill is in place. Mastery over one’s attention determines the quality of one’s life.

I’ve never heard it put in that way before: “Mastery over one’s attention determines the quality of one’s life.”

I believe she may be right.

Take The Time To See The Sunrise From Another Perspective

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This morning my daughter and I went to the window to admire the beautiful sky just before sunrise. A pink, orange glow outlined the horizon and illuminated one long thin cloud that hung low in the deep blue sky.

As we stood at the window, I said, “Isn’t it beautiful?” Ella seemed slightly less than wowed. And then I had one of those “aha” moments. “Can you even see it?” I asked as I bent down to look from her level. Sure enough, the Camellia bush outside the window completely blocked the lower half of the sky.

I lifted her up so she could see the horizon. Admittedly, even then, she was less impressed with it than me. But at least she got the chance to actually see what I was seeing.

Perspective is an amazing thing. From my vantage point, the Camellia provided the bottom frame of my view of the horizon. It really wasn’t even something that I was aware of as I took in the beauty of the sky. But just the three-foot difference between my eyes and Ella’s moved the Camellia from the edge of the frame to the foreground.

This experience reinforced just how easy it is to assume that others are seeing what we are. How often do we attempt to communicate about something when to someone who is seeing something totally different? And how often do those different perspectives get in the way of clear communication?

I can imagine a conversation between Ella and me comparing our experience of the morning sky.

“Isn’t it beautiful Ella: the way the pink and orange fade so quickly into the deep blue?”

“All I see is green, daddy.”

“Green. There’s no green in the sky.”

“It’s all green, daddy.”

How often have my wife and I talked around in circles because we were looking at some issue from slightly different angles?

How often have you gotten sucked into a downward spiral of missed communication because you were looking at something from two different angles?

Taking the time to explore the other person’s perspective can instantly open the way to clearer communication. So the next time you’re looking at something with a child, take the time to bend down to see what they’re seeing.

And the next time you find yourself stuck in a conversation that’s going around and around but getting nowhere, take a moment to see if you can change your perspective to see what the other person is seeing.

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